Please Be My Boyfriend, Colin Meloy

If I invented a time machine, would you run away with me, Colin Meloy? We could just be comrades, if you like; no hanky-panky. I’m okay with that, especially if we had to curl up in a trench together on a cold night. Might you be interested in the following scenarios?

1. Napoleonic era soldiers. I’ll cut my hair and we’ll take the King’s shilling (the Queen’s?). Then we’ll serve under Wellington for a ripping good time at Salamanca. Or I’d even do the naval version, though I’d spend most of my time puking over the side of the ship.

2. Itinerant 19th century troubadors. We’ll wander the country singing plaintive ballads about drinking and lost loves. I’ll sing crummy but sincere harmonies to the tune of “To Anacreon, In Heav’n.”

3. Antebellum riverboat gamblers. You can sharp rich folks and sleep with their wives while I deal the marked cards and curse the Yankees who stole my daddy’s plantation and freed all my slaves so that I have to lace my own corset.

4. Diseased whores. We can sell our bodies in some large city, trading witty repartee inbetween customers. Eventually we can die of consumption, coughing daintily into handkerchiefs and insisting that we’re fine, hoarding all our pennies for opium.

Or … perhaps we’re just better off where we are, living the armchair life. After all, the 19th century didn’t have very nice toilets, and ‘suffrage’ was still a bad word. Still, I’m going to go see you at the Wiltern on the 21st, so could you at least take your shirt off? Sincerely, z.h.

Oh yeah, and the new album was released today: “The Crane Wife.” W00t!

The Decemberists: Site | Myspace | Label (Capitol)

[These tracks have been removed. You can contact me if you’d like a copy.]

The Decemberists – The Perfect Crime 2

The Decemberists – Sons and Daughters

The Decemberists – Human Behaviour (Bjork)

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6 comments

  1. Ron’s avatar

    Just emailed you my ‘guest blog’ entry…with urls for the downloads from MySpace (they change sometimes though)
    Hope this is worthy of ya..I didn’t write a lot…I’d like to do another sometime when I can really put some real time to it :)

  2. zara’s avatar

    Oh yes, my standards are high like the New Yorker’s. You’re not Jonathan Franzen, buddy! No guest blog for you!

  3. Leaving_Liverpool’s avatar

    Don’t forget the scarcity of toothbrushes.

  4. zara’s avatar

    Oh yeah, I do love my toothbrush. Course I wouldn’t need it if I got scurvy and all my teeth fell out.

  5. Elliott’s avatar

    Can I Have Human Behavior? Is it a studio recording? or live?

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